Monday, September 25, 2006

The secret to NY success

If you're a Red Sox or Blue Jays fan, fuggettaboutit!

The NY Yankees clinched the American League East division title last week. So what's new, the New Yorkers have now won the division nine years straight. But while most experts believe the Yanks win because of their amazing talent and "genius" manager, I'm here to tell you it's the uniforms, haircuts and names that inspire their success.

Uniforms.
When i think of the intimidating and menacing Bronx Bombers, I picture the gray uniforms. That's G-R-A-Y. Yes the pinstripes are more famous, but you must realise the power of the grays. They're understated and underrated. It's inevitably the uniform movie makers use when re-creating the "scary" Yankees as well. Remember when Ricky Vaughn had to take 'em on in Major League? "C'mon Ricky, give 'em the heeeeeater!"

I digress.

Haircuts.
Then there's the Steinbrenner enforced haircuts. Jeter's is army sharp. So is A-Rod's--with a touch more styling--and even Johnny Damon looks tougher as a Yankee. Throw in Jason Giambi's five o'clock shadow and Randy Johnson's mo and you've got the makings of a regular Mean Streets posse.


And so to the names...

Names.
Robinson Cano: sounds like Robinson Caruso but not. Exotic, mysterious, an unknown quantity. Spells bad news for the opposition.

Hideki Matsui: Face it, Japanese names always sound cool.

Johnny Damon: He could be the quarterback-jock in any teen movie. Or maybe the lead singer of a punk band. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it.

Derek Jeter: Rhymes with "heater" and "beater", and contains the word "jet" so basically he's fast, and if you're not on his team you're screwed.

Melky Cabrera: Didn't I have one of those at Starbucks this morning? Whatever, it's a smooth name man.

Yep, may as well give them the World Series trophy too.