Shooting at the wrong goal

Trying to get your head around hockey as a foreigner isn’t easy—believe me. I’m an Aussie in Toronto, and hockey to my eyes, is from another universe. Our land is dry and cracked you see, good for the bounce of a cricket ball but completely inadequate for the glide of a puck. And the only skating we’re going to do is on slippery city streets after a summer downpour.

So understand that I arrived here this year rather ill-equipped to master the rules of your wonderful national pastime. After all, the only real references I have to the game are from movies such as Wayne’s World and Happy Gilmore.

Rest assured this won’t deter me from becoming a fan. When in Rome, right? The only problem is that after several months of tuning into Hockey Night in Canada, reading the sports pages, and discussing scores with locals, I feel no closer to conquering the sport. Hockey’s spirit alludes me like Sydney Crosby at full kilt.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m a neutral fan—a guy in a new Roots sweater just cheering for a good contest. “In the face!” Logic says I should be onboard with Leafs Nation given my home address, but I landed in T.O. in March and only know the club’s desperate finale of last season and limp start this season. I don’t feel I’ve earned my membership. I like the Leafs because they have a rich history and passionate fans, but it’s also because of these reasons that I question whether I belong amongst the ranks. To be honest, it’s a daunting commitment.

Diehard hockey fans hopefully appreciate my dilemma. I really need all the facts before making a decision of this magnitude. I mean they stamped my passport when I passed customs but they didn’t assign me a team did they? So I’m doing the legwork myself. I’m checking the numbers, reading player profiles and familiarizing myself with club histories. By the end of my quest, the likes of Paul Maurice will need to look over his shoulder. Of course I didn’t undergo this process with every sports team I support—that’d be just too much effort. But as hockey’s a new game to me, I think it deserves greater attention.

It’s not like when you’re a kid is it? Affiliations to sports clubs just happen, almost the same way you start noticing the opposite sex. It’s a natural progression and you can’t trace the exact moment it occurs. It was sometime during my first grade year, whilst dragging a blue and yellow Parramatta Eels rugby bag to school, that I learned of my initial sports bond. It’s a tie that hasn’t broken in 25 years and I’m sure many Leafs fans can relate. But when you’re a foreigner, sports loyalties are acquired not inherited.

So I continue to weigh up my place in hockey fandom. It’s not easy because I’m used to a much different fan environment. I’m from a country where most of the major sports teams are from only two of the major cities, Sydney and Melbourne. The only reason you wouldn’t support a team from these places is because you live as far away as Brisbane or Perth. Traditional rivalries back home are more about which side of the train tracks you’re from as opposed to which coast. My Eels team is based in the west of Sydney, for example, and their archrivals, the Manly Sea-Eagles, are from the north. This means that some of my best mates follow the team I despise most. Yet, somehow that’s acceptable. Somehow they can wear that cringe-inducing maroon jersey into my home and not be thrown out. I really need to address this.

I realize that big city rivalry is the norm in North America and that entire towns galvanize behind a single squad. It’s pretty simple; the disinterested dare not argue and the disloyal dare not speak. It’s a serious business supporting the home team. I’ve learned this more than ever during my time in Toronto. People here definitely bleed blue. I once visited a sports store on Yonge Street, for instance, and noticed a great selection of hockey jerseys. The only thing was that they were mostly variations of the Leaf uniform. Heaven help the businessman from Calgary, looking for a Flames jersey for his son. Then again, good luck to any Flames fan on the streets of Toronto.

I also once heard a mob of Sens fans in Union Station, happily singing for their side before a fixture at the ACC. They were promptly silenced, however, by the booming voice of a wisecracking Leafs supporter. Hey, they took a shot, I can respect that.

The other night though, I saw something I hadn’t previously seen in Hogtown. A big crowd at a downtown pub was raucously supporting—deep breath—the Vancouver Canucks. This seemed totally out of character. Had I stumbled into a Canuck bar I wondered? Impossible. Then it dawned on me; in a match-up like Vancouver versus St. Louis, it’s Canadian hockey that rules. Of course!

Satisfied by my discovery, I decided to explore Canadian hockey further and learn more about all six teams. The last thing I want to be is one of those Tom Cruise-like tourists who steps into town and is suddenly a lifetime Leafs fan. He did the same thing in Sydney you know? Yuh. During the Nicole years, the Cruiser was known to regularly attend South Sydney Rabbitohs footy games. Coincidently, the storied “Bunnies” are the favourite team of every star in town.

I’m choosing the educated approach over the bandwagon. I just feel better about it. Then, no matter which jersey I’m wearing, I can debate Don Cherry from my living room with all the conviction of a local. And that’s what hockey’s all about right?